marching

here i am.

home on a friday night.

WHO WOULD HAD THOUGHT?!

not me.

i've been traveling a lot lately.

and doing a lot of very. not selfish things, exactly. but. things for me. i've been doing things for the growth of me. or, for the undersanding of me. i think i need to understand before i grow.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

like my last [emo] entry, i was saying, i'm a screw up.

i am.

but i am figuring out, that a screw up is some cases is a lot harder to do then to do what is perfect.

putting my foot down, raising my voice, and getting fired, is hard.

it is.

and it has gotten me fired up to do what i need to do.

i am verbal. sometimes more then people want. but someones gotta do it. so i gotta use my voice.

i am emo. or rather, have feelings. so damn it, show them.

i don't get what i believe in half the time. but thats okay. i know i'm not the only one.

whats the hardest though is finding acceptance. while i know not everyone agrees with what i'm doing, i gotta push through. this is the time that i have He and He only to lean on. i can't help that my parents don't approve. but that doesn't mean someday that wont change.

i am thankful. i am thankful.

and now, i gotta start marching.

Blessed is the man who always fears the LORD, but he who hardens his heart falls into trouble.

screw up

i screw up.

a lot.

like, i do things and i think "why can't i just be that good girl that people think i am when they first meet me? life would be so much easier!" but there is this weird thing inside me that makes me put my neck out there and say things when people rather not hear me. but i can't help it! I CAN'T. and i want to. because i want to be that perfect cute christian girl from a good family. but i'm not. i have hair that i don't care about (somehow my hair has something that defines me, idk why people just always talk to me about it). i sin daily. scratch that. i sin multiple times daily. all the time. like, its a habbit of mine to sin. like, that's who i am. and my good family really doesn't own me anymore. if that makes sense.

so pretty much, i'm the greasy haired bad girl who hates family..

any takers?!

seriously.

i eff up a lot.

and the thing is, i don't know if i regret much of it.